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Whenever there is talk of seduction, of trailer, of flirtation, this story of the Alpha Male emerges. A concept that in my youth I saw associated only with packs of wolves or gorillas and which today instead seems the cornerstone of sexual attraction, and those who are lacking in these head-of-branch characteristics can only choose whether to be pigeonholed in the group of losers, doormats, the spineless or lifelong onanists.
What is meant by alpha male
To explain it, I first list some definitions taken from the sites of the “disseminators” who deal with the topic:
“He is the man everyone would like to be: the captain of industry, the star of the big screen, the captain of the ship, the leader of the group. It is the Alpha male. Men want to be like him. Women want to be with him. “
“You too can become an alpha male (or a dominant male) and claim your right to mate with all the females of the pack”
“The Alpha Male is the man who has learned to decipher what, for the average man, appears completely indecipherable: the female mind”
The man who is not there
In a nutshell this type of “male” would be the natural leader, the strong but tolerant man, hard but sensitive, courageous but prudent, attractive but not affected, rude but kind, broad-minded but firm principles, and the whole usual series of bullshit that accompany the description of the Man Who Isn’t There, or rather that exists only in the female mind (and not only up to 15 years).
And I must admit that we boys are less obsessed with the search for an ideal woman.
Reading the characteristics of this wonderful specimen of dominant male I try to imagine some examples. Fonzie, Calboni of Fantozziana memory, James Bond, Beckham, the Godfather, Manuel Fantoni di Borotalco, Berlusconi, Clint Eastwood? Which one to choose?
I don’t know, I imagine an obscene mix of all of them and for a while the heart is not afraid!
Learn to accept yourself
Yet if web and libraries (see how many books on the subject Amazon offers for example) are full of advice on how to become an alpha male it means that this theory has taken a lot.
Now, snobbery aside, it is clear that there are many men capable of pleasing women immediately because they are favored by an intriguing aspect, fluency, beautiful personality and a healthy self-confidence that never hurts, but what I find absurd is the concept of wanting to “become” an alpha male!
It is a bit like teaching a Pekingese how to become a pit bull, a turkey how to fly like a condor and a panda how to behave like a grizzly. Wouldn’t you find it ridiculous?
I believe that each of us has its own characteristics, some that can be improved, some that can be smoothed, but they are what determines how we are made. Wanting to learn to imitate or mimic a model that does not belong to us in a natural way, comes to my eyes all the opposite of what should attract the other sex.
It is clear that at the time of high school we need to deal with models, we feel competition with those who we believe are more successful than us, we hate all of us and we would like to rebuild ourselves from head to toe (also because we are surrounded by geese in hormonal storm obsessed from successful models).
But after a certain age we must understand that what we like about us is how we are, not how we could become. If we still think we have time, desire and ability to transform ourselves into something else, then we are a little wrong with the analysis.
That’s who the real alpha male is
The real alpha male in my opinion, if we really want to use this definition, it is not the idiot who trains in his bedroom to make the voice deeper, the most arched eyebrow, the safest movements.
And not even the one who decides to learn body language, to make precious things, to detach himself from any zerbinesque connotation.
Alfa is every normal man who has made a minimum of peace with himself, who knows his tastes (even highly questionable) in terms of women, music, food, travel. Who is able to endure his own boring life without entrusting a woman with the responsibility and role of having to change it to bring him to who knows which Wonderland.
I am not talking about a chronic habit or arid bachelor obsessed with his daily rituals, rather I am talking about an open person willing to get involved for fun and stimulating experiences, but who despite being “away from home” manages in some bizarre way of not getting lost without losing the desire to continue exploring himself and the world.
And I don’t say this to please and say “I did it”, because it is not true and I often write here to bring out what I understand and put it as a warning to follow. I’m improving in some things, getting worse in others, but basically I’m not interested in changing with anyone, not even with the best model.
If anything, I am interested in curing my unfortunate neuroses, bringing out my personality more without considering it counterproductive, opening myself more to others, but it is only a matter of evolving, not of becoming anything else from me.
My personal alpha male is me, freed from the ballast that I still carry with me: I don’t want more.